Okay so a guy is near the end of his senior year in high school.
Unfortunately, he still has to share a room with his younger brother who is only 9 years old.
One night, he decides to bring his girlfriend home for a little fun.
They have bunk beds and the guy notices that his little brother is already asleep on the lower bunk, so he and his girlfriend climb up to the top bunk.
As you might expect things start to heat up.
The guy remembers that his little brother is sleeping below so he tells his
girlfriend to whisper "lettuce" if she wants it harder and "tomato" if she wants a new position.
Lettuce!!!
Tomato!!!
Lettuce!!!
Tomato!!!
Lettuce!!!
Tomato!!!
She screams.
Lettuce!!!
Tomato!!!
Whoa!!!
PULL IT OUT!!!
PULL IT OUT NOW!!!
I can't get pregnant!
Then the little brother shouts up, "Hey,would you guys stop making sandwiches up there
You're getting mayonnaise all over my face!*!*!*!*!
maddoggerbildo
cool poem to read
This is the poem:
Around the corner I have a friend,
In this great city that has no end,
Yet the days go by and weeks rush on,
And before I know it, a year is gone.
And I never see my old friends face,
For life is a swift and terrible race,
He knows I like him just as well,
As in the days when I rang his bell.
And he rang mine but we were younger then,
And now we are busy, tired men.
Tired of playing a foolish game,
Tired of trying to make a name.
"Tomorrow" I say! "I will call on Jim
Just to show that I'm thinking of him."
But tomorrow comes and tomorrow goes,
And distance between us grows and grows.
Around the corner, yet miles away,
Here's a telegram sir," "Jim died today."
And that's what we get and deserve in the end.
Around the corner, a vanished friend.
Remember to always say what you mean.
If you love someone, tell them.
Don't be afraid to express yourself.
Reach out and tell someone what they mean to you.
Because when you decide that it is the right time it
might be too late.
Seize the day. Never have regrets.
And most importantly, stay close to your friends and family, for they helped you make a better person that you are today.
Around the corner I have a friend,
In this great city that has no end,
Yet the days go by and weeks rush on,
And before I know it, a year is gone.
And I never see my old friends face,
For life is a swift and terrible race,
He knows I like him just as well,
As in the days when I rang his bell.
And he rang mine but we were younger then,
And now we are busy, tired men.
Tired of playing a foolish game,
Tired of trying to make a name.
"Tomorrow" I say! "I will call on Jim
Just to show that I'm thinking of him."
But tomorrow comes and tomorrow goes,
And distance between us grows and grows.
Around the corner, yet miles away,
Here's a telegram sir," "Jim died today."
And that's what we get and deserve in the end.
Around the corner, a vanished friend.
Remember to always say what you mean.
If you love someone, tell them.
Don't be afraid to express yourself.
Reach out and tell someone what they mean to you.
Because when you decide that it is the right time it
might be too late.
Seize the day. Never have regrets.
And most importantly, stay close to your friends and family, for they helped you make a better person that you are today.
No THANK'S FOR COMINGs - THANK'S FOR LEAVING
kitty cat
Cat Lover or Not, this is Hysterical!!!
We've all had trouble with our animals, but I don't think anyone can top
this one:
Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate
my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying.
On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the
truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had
sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the
next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the
bandage on the top of my head. The accident occurred mainly because I had
given in to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty.
Initially, the new acquisition was no problem.
Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my
wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen.
"Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it."
"You know where the button is," I protested through the shower
pitter-patter and steam. "Reset it yourself!"
"But I'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts going and sucks me
in?"
There was a meaningful pause and then, "C'mon, it'll only take you a
second."
So out I came, dripping wet and butt naked, hoping that my silent
outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her
behaviour as extremely cowardly.
Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to find
the button. It is the last action I remember performing
It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances.
No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal
teeth. It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling
objects she spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised around the
corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the precise
moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly
offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws. I lost all rational
thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly rising at a violent
rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my masculine
region.
Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome. Men,
in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option. I know this from
experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and
cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent.
The impact knocked me out cold.
When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me.
Now there are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself
lying on the kitchen floor butt naked in front of a group of "been-there,
done-that" paramedics.
Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were all
snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while trying
to suppress their hysterical laughter......and not succeeding.
Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it back
in to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me
about my head injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk
about,which it was.
"What's the matter?" They all asked, "Cat got your tongue?"
If they only knew!
We've all had trouble with our animals, but I don't think anyone can top
this one:
Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate
my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying.
On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the
truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had
sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the
next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the
bandage on the top of my head. The accident occurred mainly because I had
given in to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty.
Initially, the new acquisition was no problem.
Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my
wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen.
"Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it."
"You know where the button is," I protested through the shower
pitter-patter and steam. "Reset it yourself!"
"But I'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts going and sucks me
in?"
There was a meaningful pause and then, "C'mon, it'll only take you a
second."
So out I came, dripping wet and butt naked, hoping that my silent
outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her
behaviour as extremely cowardly.
Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to find
the button. It is the last action I remember performing
It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances.
No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal
teeth. It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling
objects she spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised around the
corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the precise
moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly
offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws. I lost all rational
thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly rising at a violent
rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my masculine
region.
Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome. Men,
in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option. I know this from
experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and
cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent.
The impact knocked me out cold.
When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me.
Now there are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself
lying on the kitchen floor butt naked in front of a group of "been-there,
done-that" paramedics.
Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were all
snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while trying
to suppress their hysterical laughter......and not succeeding.
Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it back
in to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me
about my head injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk
about,which it was.
"What's the matter?" They all asked, "Cat got your tongue?"
If they only knew!
Cousin Troy
A well-known speaker
started off his seminar by:
holding up a $20.00
bill. In the room of 200, he asked,
"Who would like this
$20 bill?"
Hands started going up.
He said, "I am going to give this
$20 to one of you
but first, let me
do this.
He
proceeded to crumple up the $20 dollar bill.
He then asked, "Who
still wants it?"
Still the hands
were up in the air.
Well, he
replied, "What if I do this?"
And he
dropped it on the ground
and started
to grind it into the floor with his shoe.
He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty.
"Now, who still wants it?"
Still the hands went into the air.
My friends, we have all learned a
very valuable lesson.
No matter what
I did to the money, you still wanted it
because it did not decrease in value.
It was still worth $20.
Many times in our lives,
we are dropped, crumpled, and ground
into the dirt
by the decisions we
make and
the circumstances that come
our way.
We feel as though we are
worthless.
But no matter what has
happened or
what will happen, you
will never lose your value.
Dirty or
clean, crumpled or finely creased,
you are still
priceless to those who DO LOVE you.
The worth of our
lives comes not in what we do or who we know,
but by WHO WE ARE and
WHOSE WE ARE.
YOU ARE
SPECIAL!
-
Don't EVER forget it."
Count your blessings,
not your problems.
"And remember:
amateurs built the ark ..
professionals
built the Titanic.
If God brings you to
it - He will bring you through it.
This is remembrance of my cousin Troy. He may have not though so but he was very loved and will be very missed. Good luck in the after life jackass.
LOVE, BILLY
started off his seminar by:
holding up a $20.00
bill. In the room of 200, he asked,
"Who would like this
$20 bill?"
Hands started going up.
He said, "I am going to give this
$20 to one of you
but first, let me
do this.
He
proceeded to crumple up the $20 dollar bill.
He then asked, "Who
still wants it?"
Still the hands
were up in the air.
Well, he
replied, "What if I do this?"
And he
dropped it on the ground
and started
to grind it into the floor with his shoe.
He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty.
"Now, who still wants it?"
Still the hands went into the air.
My friends, we have all learned a
very valuable lesson.
No matter what
I did to the money, you still wanted it
because it did not decrease in value.
It was still worth $20.
Many times in our lives,
we are dropped, crumpled, and ground
into the dirt
by the decisions we
make and
the circumstances that come
our way.
We feel as though we are
worthless.
But no matter what has
happened or
what will happen, you
will never lose your value.
Dirty or
clean, crumpled or finely creased,
you are still
priceless to those who DO LOVE you.
The worth of our
lives comes not in what we do or who we know,
but by WHO WE ARE and
WHOSE WE ARE.
YOU ARE
SPECIAL!
-
Don't EVER forget it."
Count your blessings,
not your problems.
"And remember:
amateurs built the ark ..
professionals
built the Titanic.
If God brings you to
it - He will bring you through it.
This is remembrance of my cousin Troy. He may have not though so but he was very loved and will be very missed. Good luck in the after life jackass.
LOVE, BILLY
Kevin
Tags: 
birthday happyhappy saturday
birthday happyhappy saturdayhappy birthday bro.can't wait for saturday. my goal for you is to crawl home or just passout in general !
No THANK'S FOR COMINGs - THANK'S FOR LEAVING
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picture time! - that sweet ole greggie boy bought emily a dozen of orangie colored roses and they look...
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Okay i'm going against my better judgement and making this open to everybody - So that tattoo/piercing place...
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